Clippers are a sound investment

I enjoy mocking the unfortunate. A lot. And apparently you like reading my mockery of the unfortunate. You're welcome. In the spirit of fairness, today I'd like to turn my passive-aggressive rage towards something of which we've all been a victim- terrible hair styles. Like you, I've been the victim a follicular faux pas once or twice in my lifetime. Here are some of my favorite (although I can't lay claim to ownership of all of these). I encourage you to share any horrifying stories from your dark and sinister pasts as well.

The mullet- One can only assume that unless you live under a rock, you know of the legendary mullet. Business in the front, party in the rear. Real men wear mullets. The mullet holds a special place in my heart because it was worn by the most skilled craftsman in television history. That's right- Angus (Mac) MacGyver. He disarmed a nuclear weapon with a paperclip. Oh, and did I mention that he turned a TV into a bomb? Yeah, that really happened...all thanks to the mullet. Some wonder if the mullet had magical powers back then- and the answer is yes.

Man. Mullet. Hero.

Fictional. Still loves mullets.

Frosted tips- Yes, I am guilty of this one. Go ahead and laugh, I've had years to get over it. No one really knows where frosted tips originated, but it is generally believed that it was invented by the same guy who invented the polyester suit- Stephen Hawking. Most people have no idea that in addition to theoretical cosmology and quantum gravity, Stephen has written numerous articles on the scientific implications of bleaching 20% of your hair's length.

Yes, this is how he rolls.

Island braids- hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You went on vacation and decided that weaving multicolored plastic beads into your hair would be a good idea. For the love of god, please pay attention- if you are over the age of 13, you should know better. This hairstyle makes you look like the illegitimate child of Rick James.

I must add a caveat here. Bonus points will be awarded for any bald people daring enough to try the island braid.

The curse of the camera strikes again

The rat tail- This "style" is a personal favorite of mine. The unholy union of a ponytail and a mullet, the rat tail is perhaps the dirtiest looking hairstyle of the 1980s. And that's saying a lot. It was also far more prevalent in middle class America due to its seemingly non-threatening appearance. Parents assumed that because it didn't require a hair tie or blow drying that it was a passable style. Little did they know...

I can't afford to cut all of the hair on my head. What to do?

The Brooklyn blowout- This style is theorized to be the downfall of humanity. The borough produced one of man's greatest and most terrible feats in the blowout. For those not familiar with this look, grab a paperclip, walk to the nearest wall outlet, electrocute yourself, then get a fake tan and wax your eyebrows. This is how the blowout must be worn. More than a style, it is a way of life. A horrible, horrible way of life.

Don't adjust your monitors, they really are orange.

Honorable mentions: The Hi-top Fade, Beehive, Mohawk, and Perm.

The list goes on and on, but let's hear what you have to say. What are your favorites?