Zombies- misunderstood community members?

The topic of zombies in society is a hotly contested one. While many believe that they are dangerous flesh eating monsters, it has been proven that they can be incorporated quite effectively into society. We see them every day- former presidential candidates, lead singers of 60's-era rock bands, mail carriers, etc. Despite this, the majority of us still hold the prejudice that they are merely undead denizens of the earth, casually plodding around our neighborhoods in search of dinner. Untrue. Well, mostly untrue. They do like dinner, but who doesn't? Zombies help us in limitless ways.

Let's face it, the world is full of stupid people. While anyone reading this blog is clearly in danger of electrocution by intentionally sticking a paper clip into an electrical outlet, there are people even worse off. Enter the zombies. Here are some hard facts: zombies are slow moving, they don't know how to open doors, and they bump into stuff all the time. These three facts prove that anyone caught and subsequently eaten by a zombie EXHIBITS WORSE BEHAVIOR THAN THAT! Do you really want these people walking the streets and potentially breeding? Me either. We owe a big "thank you!" to our putrid friends.

How many times during the day do you think that a monkey could do your job? Probably all of you who are monkeys. Those that are human might think so too, but nothing ever changes despite our collective whining. We still come to work and complain. Well no longer! Zombies are perfect contributors to the workforce. We can make them do dumb jobs like picking up litter or performing neurosurgery (because who knows brains like zombies?) and put our living time to better use.

Bob from accounting smells a little, but he balances a ledger like nobody's business

One last thing. All of this talk of zombies being unable to articulate sentences just because they're dead is ridiculous. George Bush can't either, and he's alive.

That better not be Merlot...

Before we go waving our accusatory fingers at whomever ate the dog, let's try to prevent our irrational fear of our formerly-breathing compatriots from getting the better of us. Zombies are people too... just not living ones.