Oh internet, how do I love thee?

I was sitting in my living room yesterday letting my mind wander. Normally this would last until the end of a commercial break or the microwave beeps, but for some reason I had a prolonged period of reflection. Clearly this is not a good scenario for someone like me, as someone like you can attest to. Between ADD and an overactive imagination, my mind tends to travel in some strange directions if left unchecked.

On this particular afternoon, the subject of the aforementioned reflection drifted to my intense love for the internet. Now many of us feel an affinity for all things digital. We love our digital cameras, our satellite radios, fancy internet-capable phones, laptops, hi-speed connections- you get the point. But for me, this is more than a mere marriage of convenience. I truly love the internet. Let me give you a few examples of how the internet has changed my life for the better (and sometimes worse, and mostly not at all, but that ruins the sentiment of this post so just go with it).

Digg.com: Oh Digg, how in the world did I gather random and sometimes purely false news before you existed? You amass such an abundance of random information that, on occasion, I lose myself for hours in your 12-point font embrace. Your community is populated by nerds like me, aching for acceptance through smarmy 1-paragraph synopses intended to draw attention to the exciting bit of info they've dug up while avoiding excel spreadsheets. You may be wrought with falsehoods and regurgitated babble that I read three months ago from another poster, but my adoration is boundless. You complete me.

I know that's a shovel, but I wish it was me...

StumbleUpon: Where should I even begin? You're a toolbar add-on that lets me click a button to be teleported to random sites- with little to no regard for relevance or content. Could this possibly be tailored for anyone on this planet more than me? I think not. Sometimes you find me news sites, sometimes it's terrible flash games. Every now and then you think I have need for something like this:

Cirrus is full of itself, and Cumulonimbus has a bit of a drinking problem.

Now that I know about cloud formations I can feel that tiny void in my soul slowly filling. Despite everything, you are always there for me...until I update to a newer version of Firefox. Then you disappear for like two weeks, which sucks because I've read everything on Digg this morning and I have nothing to do now. But other than that, you've always been there for me since last August when I first discovered you.

Consumerist.com: Even though we've just met, there's a kindred spirit that I think we share. You love listing consumer complaints. I complain about pretty much everything. It's like we were together in a past life. Except that you're not a tangible object and I'm uncomfortably tangible. Anyway, you spend days at a time reminding us of how terrible Comcast, Verizon, WalMart, and so many other retailers are. You're so effective that I'm paralyzed with fear over where to buy anything from socks to computers. According to you, I could have polyesther in my computer or faulty wiring in my Fruit of the Looms. Or something.

Facebook and Myspace: Actually, I'd pretty much hate you two except that you give me birthday reminders and a place to store photos. I don't want to be a vampire, send fake gifts for $1, or rent an apartment from either of you, so knock it off.

Google: It's even fun to say your name. I love your mail, desktop, calendar, blog creator, toolbars, and so much more. I know I cheated on you once with Microsoft, but it was just a fling. There's a long road to earn back your trust, but I just can't live without your IM features and SPAM blocking so I'm willing to put in the time.

I miss your Halloween toolbar theme in the first week of November.

So there you have it- just some of the dozens of reasons that I love the internet. It can be a cruel mistress, or at least find you some websites that are into that type of thing.