Being super-rich

So I was out shoveling the driveway today and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hated the task at hand.  Having ADD, my mind quickly wandered to all of the things that I would and wouldn't do if I someday became super-rich.  Here are some of the things I came up with:

What I would do:

• wear just a diaper...EVERYWHERE-  That's right, I said it.  If I was rich enough to stop caring what people thought I would definitely make this priority one.  Why?  Because I could.  Here's what I imagine I'd look like.

 Where does one find an enormous safety pin like that?

• buy a helper monkey- So here's the thing- I've wanted a helper monkey since I watched a show about them years ago.  The monkeys in that show were opening doors, getting food and drinks, fetching remote controls.  Most of you know me and have been forced to do all of these tasks for me, imagine how much better life would be if you didn't need to do it either!   Oh, and coincidentally they also wear diapers (see above).  I would name him either Jensen, Kong, or Baron Humperdink.  Did I mention I'd also have him wear matching outfits to mine every day?

 

yeah, that looks about right...

• get a hovercar- I'm pretty sure this one needs little explanation.  Ever get stuck in traffic?  Exactly.

 

 What's more impressive- the flying car or the hair/'stache combo?

• install a shark moat around my house- I'm not afraid of burglars.  I don't hate my neighbors.  I do love sharks, and I definitely like moats.  Why not combine the two?  I mean really, who doesn't think that having either of these things is awesome?  Combining them both?  Genius.  

 

Where did all of the Jehovah's Witnesses go?

• build a pig-a-pult- I'm not really sure why this one keeps tugging at my heartstrings, but I just can't leave it alone.  I love pork products, and the thought of launching those delicious bacon-makers hundreds of feet through the air compels me.  Plus I'm pretty sure I could patent the design and sell it to Medieval Times.   

What's the one thing I would NEVER do again?  Shave.  I hate shaving.  In fact, most guys hate shaving and we all secretly wish we didn't have to do it again.  No more work- no more shaving.  I don't care how nauseating I end up looking, it would totally be worth it.  With a sweet beard I could also enter the World Beard and Moustache Championship.  The possibilities are endless.

I've heard that founding a culture-defining multimedia empire is a good way to get rich. I'm gonna get on that.  Maybe this very blog is the beginning.