Being the humanitarian that I am, I made a modest donation to the cause (before I knew it was for prevention, of course). He insisted on sending a thank you note despite my browbeating and mockery to discourage such an act. This was his punishment for sending one anyway:
(See below for text, this is just for show)
What it says:
Attention:
The cover of this card has probably tricked your pea-sized brain into a false sense of warmth. Ha! I do not thank you for your thank you note. In fact, if your thank you note had a heart, I would rip it out of its chest and show it to you like that crazy priest in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Alas, it does not, so I am instead forced to crush yours.
I hope a small, sugar-intolerant child knocks you down during your walk and you scrape your knee terribly. And it hurts. And gets infected. And you get gangrene, which would normally smell like almond but yours smells way worse, like rotten almonds. And you cry, then look up to the heavens and curse me. And I will look down and laugh.
P.S.- you're a jerk and people pretend to like you but really don't. Like me.
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